i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
