Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
