Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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