I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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