Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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