Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
