sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
