I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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