I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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