we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
