The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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