Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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