Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
