the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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