remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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