I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
