do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
