That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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