Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
