So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My penis needs a shock collar
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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