sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
