I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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