Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just want nice things and good sex
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
