fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
