i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
