I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
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she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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