there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
