u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
