I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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