I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
