Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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