Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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