I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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