The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
