So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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