why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
