Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
