Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
