I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
