Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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