Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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