This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
