hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
