BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
