i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
