I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
