I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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