when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
