its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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