Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
