my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
