my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
