Me. At least after what I've been through.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
