trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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