before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's the barista slut.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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