Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
