did you get engaged???
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
