so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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