Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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