I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
