yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
