have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
