Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
