I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
