i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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