Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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