Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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