I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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