We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
