so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
