Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize