I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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