The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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