I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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