Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
