he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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